IRC Hogwarts
by Dragoria
Summary: a fanfiction I wrote, pretty funny..


Hogwarts Irc

Internet Junkies

There was just no other way to put it, it was clear to everyone.

Hermione looked dreadful.

Her eyes were swollen and puffy.

They were half closed by the pressure of her eyelids, and she carried these enormous bags under them.

Her normally bushy hair looked now as it hasn't been combed for a month, but I guess that effect appears quickly with the type of hair she has.

It was now hanging besides her face in two big knots. And for some reason her robes seemed very worn and old.

But maybe that was due to her whole appearance looking rather strange but most of all awful.

She was trudging on with feet which seemed immensely heavy to bare, and her school bag which as always was bulking with books, didn't imply to be the cause of her plod. She was totally immune to all the stares, and shocked goggles and gazes she was attracting.

She just tramped on through the great hall till finally she came to a halt and dropped herself on a seat at the Gryffindor table.

"Bloody hell, what happened to you??!" Ron  blurted as he squirted pumpkin juice down his chin, and spat out a piece of half digested chicken. 

"Do not talk to me" groaned Hermione as she gazed ahead of her.

"Well, Hello to you too, had a nice summer Ron? Sure I have Hermione Thanks for asking"

"Shut up" she moaned.

"If  I was to organize a Best-Zombie-look-alike-imitation-competition I would have declared you the winner" Ron mumbled as he stared at her.

"I am not in the mood, leave me alone Ron" Hermione snapped, she scooped up some soup and started slowly bringing her spoon towards her mouth.

Her eyes fell shut again, and she had trouble aiming her spoon towards her lips and spilled some soup on her robes.

Ron kept staring at her with open mouth.

She attempted another bite, but her spoon seemed to be too heavy to hold.

She moved her head towards the table and used her hands as a pillow substitute, and tried to vertically bring her spoon towards her mouth.

Ron now looked very worried and tapped Harry on his arm, who sat next to him and was conversing with Nevile, fixated on a discussion about a quiditch match that had past during summer holiday.

Harry ignored Ron and continued:

"No Nevile you are wrong! Bezal did NOT! Knock him off his broom, he flew passed him and the stupid git FELL" 

Hermione now seemed to be falling asleep, with a thud her head dropped on the table.

Ron who was concerned continued tapping Harry on the shoulder repeatedly.

"HE did too, he pushed him off his broom when no one was looking THEY only won because he CHEATED" Nevile yelled

"NO HE DID NOT" screamed Harry who shoved Ron's hand off of him. He could not stand the fact that Nevile thought he knew best. Better than him, he was after all the one who actually played quiditch himself. What did Nevile Longbottom know about things.

Ron now poked Harry hard between the ribs.

"Yes HE DID, he THREW him off his broom because Bezal KNEW he couldn't STAND A CHANCE AGAINST ALMARO!"

Hermione lifted her Head up again which dropped down on her chest the very second she attempted to wake.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?!! YOU CANT EVEN MOUNT YOUR OWN BROOM!!!" Harry roared he was getting very irritated with both Nevile and Ron.

Nevile did not know what to say next, and looked very affronted. He stood up and bursted out of the Great Hall fuming, it seemed like fire came out of his nostrils 

"YEAH!! RUN AWAY! BECAUSE YOU KNOW I AM RIGHT!!" Harry roared after him.

"Harry….Harry" squealed Ron

"WHAT!!!!!???" Harry bellowed as he turned to face Ron.

"Look" Ron yelped. He pointed at Hermione who now was lying with her head in her bowl of soup.

"Hermione, what are you doing??" Harry called shocked at her appearance.

"Huh what .." Hermione said as she looked up, not noticing her face being covered with soup.

"Didn't I tell you Ron to leave me alone" she uttered.

She dropped her face in her bowl of soup again. Pieces of unions were now visible in her curly hair.

"But..but you …you are soaking in your soup" Ron replied

"Uh what? What??" Said Hermione and she got up real fast and let out an awkward shriek.

Everyone in the Great Hall was now looking at Hermione, who drew a lot of attention to herself.

"COULDN'T YOU WARN ME RON" She bellowed, and she rushed out the Great Hall and left for the Bathroom.

Laughter broke out, and people pointed at her.

Harry and Ron both shrugged and took up their shoulders.

That evening, when Hermione had calmed down washed up and made herself decent. She explained why and what caused her to be so tired today in the Gryffindor common room.

"So you are telling us, you have been busy creating a webslide on one of these muggle devices all summer?" Ron said in disbelieve.

"Yes a webSITE, and its called a computer Ron." she explained while writing stuff down on a piece of parchment.

"May I ask why exactly you have been making a Hogwarts website?" Harry asked. 

Harry has lived most of his life amongst muggles. Matter of fact he didn't know he was a wizard himself till on his 11th birthday when he met Hagrid and he had told him of the magical world. He himself has been on the internet quite a few times. His Uncle and Aunt, never took him with them when going on Family trips. So on special occasions when, the Dursleys left and Harry was alone at home. He sneaked up to Dudleys room, logged on his cousins computer and chatted with Hermione on Aol instant messenger, and checked the emails she had send him.

"Well, I thought it would be handy for student interaction while being home during school breaks. So I have re-created the school library on internet files, you are now able to go to www.hogwarts.com and download each single book onto your computer. There is a Hogwarts school map, a magical dictionary, Hogwarts homework study guide, Hogwarts Irc chat network, Wizards news which is daily updated, and all general information which are related to everything that is affiliated with the Magical world." She ranted on for proximity 20 minutes about the abilities of her own created website. 

"And that's, why I have been up all night for the last 4 weeks" she finished.

"Wow, I have completely no idea what you just said." Ron replied.

Hermione merely rolled her eyes, "You will find out later Ron" 

"But how exactly Hermione, do you think students will log on? Wizards don't have computers, I am sure you have realized that." Harry replied.

"Of course." She said and a vague and distant grin appeared on her face. "That's all taken care off."

"Hermione, what have you done?" Harry asked in a hesitated voice and looked at her suspiciously

"Nothing really." She replied innocently

"I only gained access without authorization into 300 different muggle computer shops over the whole world, got into their network, edited some files and databases and simply filled in orders and payments for over 500 computers. Which will be send to houses of random wizards families who have children which attend to Hogwarts and will arrive all on exactly Christmas day during their Christmas break." 

She looked rather pleased with herself

"WHAT? You hacked into databases and illegally purchased 500 computers without actually paying for it?"

"I was actually planning on 1000 computers, but than my conscience sort of kicked in..and"

She stopped talking, when she noticed Harry was looking at her in a very strange way"

"YOU HACKED COMPUTERS???!" He asked again.

"Well, yes you could put it that way. I don't like referring to the term "hacking" though. It makes it seem so much worse than it is really. 

Its for a good cause. Now everyone will be able to stay up to date with their homework" She said cheerfully. 

  
She got up and started rumbling in her bag and took out some more parchment.

Harry shook his head, and stared at Hermione like she was the most ugliest creature on earth. 

"What?" Hermione replied

"Nothing…just nothing, everything is just perfectly fine. Come on Ron lets go to bed"  Harry stood up, followed by Ron who still looked very confused.

"What!!?? Its all for a good cause! Really!" Hermione called after them.

"Boys.." she muttered, and finished her homework.

 The following months went rather fast, nothing strange had happened yet. No strange plots, or awkward teachers or returns of the darklord and his deatheaters. Everything went according to schedule for once. The Weasleys were Harry's favorite family, and they happened to have invited Harry to stay at their house for Christmas. Ron and Harry said farewell to Hermione and other students, and than followed Arthur Weasley, Rons dad towards a black ministry car together with Ron's younger sister Ginny. An hour later they arrived at the burrow and unpacked their trunks. 

Tomorrow was Christmas day, and amongst the natural cozy mood that always hung in the air of the Weasley house, a Christmas feeling could be easily felt.

"Harry!! wake up…wake up Harry!!. Oh boy you really need to take a look at this" Ron shouted

"What" Harry said, who was still half a sleep.

"Wake up, come on! LOOK"

Harry turned around on his back, grabbed his glasses who were lying next to the mattress he slept on. He looked at Ron who was wearing an orange sweater, Harry knew his mother probably made it for him. Ron was holding a large box in his hand, and another box was lying on the ground.

"Look!! Its from Hermione, its those Comploeter thingies!! Remember?? Ginny got one too!!"

Harry got up and looked at the writing on the box on the ground which read "Dell – Pentium 4 processor 2004"

"Wow…Hermione" he muttered and stared amazed at the two boxes.

"I figured it all was a joke, when she did not mention it once after her strange appearance first day of school" He whispered.

"Well come on, here are instructions she left us on the Christmas Card enclosed with it." Ron said.

Harry started reading out loud:

Dear student,

Here by you receive your own personal computer which is strictly for school purposes (yeah right, Harry thought)

Open the box, and connect all the wires as said in the manual given with the computer.

Start it up, and read the words on the screen, follow the instruction.

All the programs have already been installed. 

"Yeah yeah, bla bla. Lets open the boxes" Ron interrupted. 

**_-60 minutes later-_******

*** Connecting to irc.Hogwarts.com (6667)**

**-**

**-Wizards.Hogwarts.com- *** Looking up your hostname...**

**-**

**-Wizards.Hogwarts.com- *** Checking ident...**

**-**

**-Wizards.Hogwarts.com- *** Received identd response**

**-**

**-Wizards.Hogwarts.com- *** Found your hostname**

**-**

-Wizards.Hogwarts.com- *** If you are having problems connecting due to ping timeouts, please type /quote pong 485802C or /raw pong 485802C now.

**---**

Welcome to the Hogwarts IRC IRC Network SnitchSeeker! Seek@Sn158-140.dsl.londen.co.uk

Your host is irc.hogwarts.com, running version Unreal3.2-beta17+HogwartsIRC

This server was created Fri Jun 20 2003 at 01:16:12 EDT

Irc.Hogwarts.com Unreal3.2-beta17+NexusIRC iowghraAsORVSxNCWqBzvdHtGp lvhopsmntikrRcaqOALQbSeKVfMGCuzN

MAP KNOCK SAFELIST HCN MAXCHANNELS=10 MAXBANS=60 NICKLEN=30 TOPICLEN=307 KICKLEN=307 MAXTARGETS=20 AWAYLEN=307 are supported by this server

WALLCHOPS WATCH=128 SILENCE=5 MODES=12 CHANTYPES=# PREFIX=(ohv)@%+ CHANMODES=beqa,kfL,l,psmntirRcOAQKVGCuzNSM NETWORK=NexusIRC CASEMAPPING=ascii are supported by this server

**-----------------------  Network Status  -----------------------**

**Server: irc.hogwarts.com**

**Users: 26 online(5 in invisible mode(+i))**

**IRCops: 5**

**Channels: 10**

**Clients: 32 (1 servers)**

Users info: Users: 146 Max: 263 

---

Message of the Day, Irc.Hogwarts.com

---

Welcome, To Hogwarts.IRC This server was created by Hermione Granger. 

Prefect 6th year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

This server has been set up for Hogwarts Students only. Enjoy your stay

=======================================================

- 

- Network Administator: Hermzzy

- 

- Server Administrator: Hermzzy

- 

- Global Operators: N/a 

- 

- Local Operators: N/a

- 

- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

**- This server checks for open proxies.  If you have an**

**- open proxy, your access will be denied.**

**- If you are a muggle your acces also will be denied**

**End of /MOTD command.**

*** Now talking in #Hogwarts**

*** Topic is '   [[ Welcome to Hogwarts Students Official Charoom]] [[ Interact here with your fellow students, have a great time ]] [[ NO MUGGLES ALLOWED (if u see one, alert a moderator) ]]'**

*** Set by Hermzzy on Tue Juli 28 06:00:01**

**Trevor dkj;askdfdkd**

**Trevor Whowt Izz thisdkfdjlkd **

**Trevor;lskdjfoid a;lskdfj;d**

**SnitchSeeker 0_o ..calm down there buddy who ever you are..**

*** Trevor was kicked by Hermzzy (USE UR KEYBOARD TO FORM EXISTING WORDS NEVILE!!)***

*** Ronikens (RonWeasley@Ron145-1706.fvm.webnet.co.uk) has joined #Hogwarts**

**SnitchSeekerHermione?**

**@HermzzyRON!! HARRY Finally what took you guys so long?**

**RonikensWOW HERMIONE? ****CAN YOU SEE THIS?!! I CAN SEE YOUR LETTERS ON MY SCREEN**

**RonnikensHELLO HELLO HELLO??**

**RonnikensHELLO HELLO HELLO??**

**RonnikensHELLO HELLO??**

**SnitchSeeker Ron yes, we can all see, stop it please.**

**@Hermzzy Ron You idiot.**

**@HermzzyAnyway I have been waiting on you guys for a while now!**

**Ronnikens Well blame it on Harry, he kept sleeping and my mom told me not to wake him.**

**SnitchSeekerBlame it on ME?? IF your dad didn't interfere, when I was hooking up the computers we would have been here 30 minutes ago. **

**SnitchSeekerBut anyway we are here now aren't we, Good job by the way Hermione on the website its awesome!**

**@Hermzzy Thanks : )**

**Creevy HARRY!! Oooh your here, isnt this fun??? NOW we can keep in contact more often!!**

**SnitchSeeker…..**

**SnitchseekerCollin?**

**CreevyYES hello Harry!!**

**Ronnikens  *cough can we say obsessed cough***

**SnitchSeeker errr Hello Collin…**

**Creevy Oooh ill be back in a few, my Father is calling me.**

**Ronnikens Luckily**

**SnitchSeekerLOL**

**SnitchSeeker Anyway Hermione, to who did you all send a computer?**

**@Hermzzy To quite a lot, I don't remember. I just picked random wizards families.**

**Ronnikens Tell me you didn't send out computers to Slytherins have you?**

**DragonsTail-BRB Yes she did**

***DragonsTail-BRB Grins widely**

**DragonsTail-BRB Scared Weasley, that someone might attack you through the computer???**

*** DragonsTail-BRB is now known as DragonsTail**

**@Hermzzy Draco, BEHAVE**

**DragonsTailOR else? Your going to hex my computer?? Hahahahaha**

**Goyle haha Good one Draco**

**Ronnikens Oh no, Herm…you didn't send THEM one too. WHY!!???**

**SnitchSeekerYou'd better watch your mouth Draco.**

**DragonsTailAHAHAHA lmao!!! Famous Mr Freakin Potter..don't make me laugh**

**@Hermzzy….I am not warning again..**

**DragonsTailooooh im scared now, misses Mudblood is coming after me :-/ …LOL**

***DragonsTail shivers with fright**

**Goyle LMAO ooohh boo hoo!**

*** DragonsTail was kicked by Hermzzy (I said BEHAVE YOU FILTH: ) )**

**GoyleHuh?? What happened..?**

**SnitchSeeker OMG Hermione Did you just do that? HAHAHA ….Awesome**

**@Hermzzy I kicked him out of the chan, and if you don't want to follow Goyle I suggest you do as I say.**

**Ronnikens What did you do? Huh how did you do that? Hermzz??**

*** DragonsTail (Slyth@p213.54.95.160.revils.co.uk) has joined #Hogwarts**

**DragonsTail Huh What happened? Stupid computer…what kind of rotten piece of metal did you send us? It doesn't even work properly**

**SnitchSeekerYes it does :) It works PERFECTLY FINE. LMAO **

**@Hermzzy Yup, I kicked you out of the chan DRACO..see the @ In front of my name? That means I am channel operator. And as channel operator I CAN kick people out of MY server, and even BAN Them. :) **

**Ronnikens ??? FOR real?? OMG Awesome Whahahaha**

**SnitchSeeker I guess you'd just have to get USED to the fact that YOU CANT CONTROL ANYONE HERE ..DRACO hahaha…fucker! ****  
*SnitchSeeker was kicked by CrookShanks (Inappropriate Language is not tolerated here) banned for 15 minutes   
RonnikensSHIT...WHO IS CROOKSHANKS???HERMZZ????   
*Ronnikens was kicked by CrookShanks (Inappropriate Language is not Tolerated here) banned for 15 minutes   
@Hermzzy Oh NO the Bot..Woops…I sort of forgot to tell Them that swearing isnt allowed :-/****.**

To be continued 


End file.
